he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
