Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize