operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
