umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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