College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im six kinds of drunk right now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
