I need to stop coming to work sober
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
