pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
