Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I sprained my soul last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ass is underappreciated
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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