I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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