Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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