cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
