shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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