This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
