I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I pour the whiskey from now on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
