Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
