he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
