I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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