do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
