he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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