quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
