yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
