mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
