You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
