I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
