Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
