How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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