it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
