I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize