I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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