this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
