when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
