so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
