i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
