There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
