Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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