Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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