I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
