I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize