God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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