I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
