Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
