Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
