Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
