what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
