The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
