Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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