worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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