It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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