I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
