i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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