I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your penis caused this!
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