i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
