maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
