my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize