She said her name was "party"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
