Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
