so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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