I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
