We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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