No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
