I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
