We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got chris browned last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
