Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize