every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
