One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
