who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
