I hate all girls vehemently.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
