Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
