Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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