I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's always time for handjobs
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
