All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tonight lets celebrate not being married
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
