is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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