I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
