just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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