maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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