The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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