We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
