I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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