and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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