the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
