the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
