I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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