So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
