God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize