My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
