My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
