She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
