Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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