he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
